Thursday, March 22, 2007

The Journey of a Thousand Miles

Apart from angsting on my blog, the other (more practical) thing that I am doing to prepare for my return to life as a corporate drone is to start to prise away my daughter's grip on my life and boob.

I have been leaving her for increasingly longer periods with our regular and trusted aiyi, and all has been going well. Though on ocassion, my increasingly independent toddler displays enough of la résistance to betray her Gallic roots. Today was a bit of a watershed in terms of the hand-over.

I went out to run errands this afternoon and betrayed by Beijing traffic, I was actually too late to come back to put Sophie down for her night sleep. The aiyi was already in her room and bottle-feeding her so I left them inside and listened for any crying. Usually, Sophie would insist on the 3Bs routine (bath, boob, book), so I wanted to see if she would go down easily without Mum. It took a little longer than usual, but she did manage eventually, and I was left feeling like a bit of a spare tyre.

I am feeling that inseey weensy bit jealous actually that she has bonded so well with the aiyi. There is some selfish deeply maternal part of me that wants to be Sophie's entire universe, but I think as a whole I would rather not have her stuck to me all the time. I guess I approach the new-found freedom with a touch of nostalgia for the good old dependent infant days, and excitement at the fact that my life has not and will not be solely centered around my kid. I feel like another chapter in my life is just about to start, and I am actually getting myself all hyped up for it. This is despite the fact that the job situation is a bit complicated, and I will post more about it when it is all settled down.


rene said...

That's so interesting...i am on the other end thinking if ever or how am I going to get Lucas to be off my boob eventually, or how if ever I will ever get a little of my freedom back since he is purely feeding off from my boob now..and i have a strange aversion towards the pump..

Sprog Mamma said...

I am busy packing up the house but feel like things are "not right" at home without Veronica. She really sets the schedule for my day and not having her here makes me feel a little lost.

I am not jealous that she gets along so wonderfully with my sister and mom. I had to wean her over the past two weeks and so far my breasts are handeling things quite well.