Thursday, October 12, 2006

more career angsting

Working as an international attorney is not about being an expert in two systems of law or customary international law or the CISG. It's about being dynamic in a world composed of nations beset on all fronts by illusory boundaries that are defined by mental constructs called laws. Most importantly it's about being creative. The practice of international law requires an attorney to confront issues that have yet to be addressed. quote from transnational law blog

This is me trying to psyche myself up to go apply for jobs. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I am completely under-motivated. I guess I just don't feel like I am going to achieve a good work/life balance because all my previous experience as a fee-earning lawyer does not bring to mind any semblance of balance. The idea that I have to devote even more time to work if I have to retrain as a corporate lawyer is just making me avoid answering headhunter phonecalls altogether.

It is hard because I have already established family life as my priority for now, and I feel like I am being disloyal to a Stepford wife ideal (yeah, I am quite extremist like that) which I already internalised.

There is another traitorous part of my that is itching to go back into the fray. The rush of bloodlust and fear, the caffeine and nicotine fueled nights interspersed with periods of sheer painful drudgery. Intoxicating cycles of highs and lows which suit my maniac-depressive fugues.

ARRGGHHH... There is no locum market in Beijing. A quiet disputes market and a booming corporate market. So really the answer (from a recruitment perspective) is pretty obvious. I just feel like if I am waiting to dance with the devil in the pale moonlight. Wearing Prada.


Keyili said...

Remember the law is just a simple thing put in such an obscure way and hidden in many different books or amendments that you need a lawyer to go through it all just to find what your looking for. In other words it's there to make lawyers rich and give the untrained a headache.

That said I'm sure that with the up coming Olympic games there may be a lot of need for a bilingual corporate/contract lawyer. So brush up on your Mandarin and enjoy.

Still think teaching is infinitley more rewarding though.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm since you are not inclined to pick up those calls, maybe there is something you need to rethink in all that rationalising you did before contacting those head hunting firms.

I always think we should go with what we feel...I'm pretty sure you'd do a good job now, as you did before....but people change, and so their motivations and wants. Take your time to think and feel this through and don't rush into anything you are not prepared to handle just yet. Good luck and hugs!

mini said...

don't know much about the law industry but keep focus and hold out for what you really want! life is too short to spend at a job you couldn't care less about and with insane hours