Saturday, September 24, 2005

Expressions of Sorrow

I miss my husband when I am in Singapore. Last night was particularly difficult, because when we grieve, we look for support from our loved ones. But what if your loved ones are in separate places?

I want to go home to Turin, yet I feel like I have to stay close to my family at this time. What do you do when the interests of "home" and "family" appear divergent? My mother wants to go back to Korea. I will go with her, because I know she would appreciate the company, and so would my father.

I miss Fabien deeply, yet I dare not say it. Because if I did, it would be generally taken as if I did not want to be here with my family that needs me. Yet, a refusal to acknowledge that I miss my husband and my normal life in Turin, is a refusal to acknowledge that these were sacrifice which I willingly made.

Made even greater because I have to miss him without giving expression to my longing and lonliness. What is left unsaid is an aching, silent cry, building into a scream.

Can you hear it?

I am glad you can.
This is a necessary outlet.

2 comments:

SYSC said...

I just opened your mail and saw your blog link. I was hoping to be able to exchange some inane banter over email with you. But I have just read the recent entries in your blog. I am unaware of who in your family has passed on, but I hope that you are coping well. I'm really lousy at saying anything when it comes to deaths, but I hope that you and your family find strength in this difficult time. Take care meanwhile, and God bless you and your family.

Michael Low said...

Its completely understandable what you are going through; its hard enough to grieve, and harder still to grieve away from your closest friend and soulmate. Its only natural that you miss him, but I suppose what you've said is exactly right. When we grieve we look for support from our loved ones, and I guess right now your mum needs that from you. If its any encouragement, I'm sure she appreciates your being around. When I lost my dad last year, we realised how important it was for us to be around for my mum, even up to now. Will remember you and your family in prayer; God bless.